Men, take note:

For thousands of years of years, men have tried to understand the rules
when dealing with women. Finally this merit/demerit guide will help you to
understand just how it works.



Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: make the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and get points. Do something she dislikes,
and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something
she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to
the points system:



SIMPLE DUTIES -

You make the bed . . . +1

You make the bed, but forget to add decorative pillows . . 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets . . -1

You leave the toilet seat up . . . -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty . . . 0

When toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex . . -1

When Kleenex runs out, you use the next bathroom . . . -2

You go out to buy extra-light panty liners with wings . . +5

In the snow . . . +8

But return with beer . . . -5

And, no liners . . . -5

You check out a suspicious noise at night . . . 0

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing . . . 0

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something . . +5

You pummel it with a six iron . . . +10

It's her cat . . . -40



AT THE PARTY -

You stay by her side the entire party . . . 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy . . . -2

Named Tiffany . . . -4

Tiffany is a dancer . . . -10

With breast implants . . . -18



HER BIRTHDAY -

You remember her birthday . . . 0

You buy a card and flowers . . . 0

You take her out to dinner . . . 0

You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar . . +1

Okay, it is a sports bar . . . -2

And, it's all -you-can-eat night . . . -3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team . . . -10



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS -

Go with a pal . . . 0

The pal is happily married . . . +1

The pal is single . . . -7

He drives a Ferrari . . . -10

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED) . . -15



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER -

You take her to a movie . . . +2

You take her to a movie she likes . . . +4

You take her to a movie you hate . . . +6

You take her to a movie you like . . . -2

It's called Death Cop III . . . -3

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans . . . -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans . . -15



YOUR PHYSIQUE -

You develop a noticeable pot belly . . . -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it . . .+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts . . . -30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." . . -800



THE BIG QUESTION -

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding . . . -10

You reply, "Where? . . . -35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" . . . -100

Any other response . . . -20



COMMUNICATION -

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression . . 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes . . +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience . . +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying - "Well,
what do you think I should do? ' . . . -100

You have fallen asleep . . . -200



ITS THAT TIME OF MONTH -

You talk . . . -100

You don't talk . . .-150

You spend time with her . . . -200

You don't spend time with her . . . -500

You seem to be enjoying yourself . . . -1000



GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!